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Old 09-12-15   #21
feranaja
 
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Default Re: Reaching out to Aphrodite

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I don't think she's angry with me any more, at this point; or at least I hope she isn't. Your advice about trying to see her without any of her current correspondences was some validation about my contact with her, because I've had the same idea. See her as a vibration, colours, a quality, a certain type of energy, a principle.
This is something I think we all come to, eventually, with deities we work closely with- the correspondences are just keynotes and gateways. If it's your starting place, that's great, I hope it helps!

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This reminds me of what I think may have drawn Kali to me, as well; my behaviour at the time. There is going to be a serious problem here though, Fera; at least in the long term. I have learned to view sex as one of the most dangerous things in existence, and the deities associated with it as largely (although not entirely) demonic. Part of me wants to get over that; but it is hard, and there is constantly the looming threat of impending old age.
Wait - aren't you in your forties, though? Old age is several decades away, I'm not sure why that would be an issue. Older people do still have sexual relations too - maybe time to join the 21st century? Or are you leaping prematurely into senescence because you hope to avoid issues of sexuality once and for all?
As a sidenote, you are aware that magically speaking, one's attitude toward aging is incredibly powerful?


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Part of me is glad that I'm getting older, and wants to simply adopt the strategy of passively waiting until I am sufficiently old that I no longer have the opportunity to deal with this, whether I want to or not. I am truthfully becoming extremely tired of the proverbial laundry list of things that I supposedly need to do, in order to justify my existence; and more than anything else, I really don't want to do anything at all.
Then why not just sit with that? Let it be?
Who made this list anyway and why do you have to obey them?


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I tend to believe that the only real reason why I engage in virtually any activity whatsoever now, is because someone else wants me to. Left to my own devices, I do very little now aside from smoking marijuana and meditating. I don't see anything else as having any real purpose or point.
There will be all kinds of viewpoints on this - people urging you to "get help" or quit smoking pot or whatever - I will simply say, from a magical point of view, do what thou wilt. If your soul needs this rest time, time to be YOU and not try to live up to anyone else's expectation (certainly not the gods, and I believe Aphrodite will see right through this as well) then do it.

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Part of me is therefore also wondering whether doing this is also genuinely conducive to my development. What I've read of the Hindu and Buddhist scriptures would tell me that focusing on celibacy and cultivating single pointed focus should be my main priority. Tantra notwithstanding, the orthodox currents of those religions also consider sex a major impediment to spiritual progress, as well. Sex is considered primarily a distraction, albeit an incredibly sticky and compelling one; it's basically a trap.
Well, a couple of things here, petrus. First - I think you have to decide what your own spiritual outlook dictates and go with that. What I see so much of today is, people looking for religious support for their own outlook - cherry-picking as it were - instead of finding a faith they want to follow and then taking the difficult aspects with the easy and uplifitng ones(that is, after all, part of the point of a spiritual discipline). So if you love Christ and choose Christianity, you have to refrain from certain behavious or else live in hypocrisy. If you commit to a Pagan path, know that there are many gods, many paths and pick what works - then work it! If celibacy and chastity are ideals of yours, why not spend some time with Hestia? Or Asclepius? You've had an interest in healing, why court a sensual goddess when you are so ambivalent about sexuality? She won't fix it for you, I guarantee that. But - my second point - is that you can still offer to a deity, pray to them, learn from them without considering them a symbolic part of yourself, reducing them to archetypes and cosmic Dr. Phils for your own issues. I have come to the dark goddesses pure and simply as a natural part of my evolution - as I face my second Saturn return, I have much less tolerance for bullshit and much stronger boundaries about what I will allow into my life. It's not even anger, it's just...change. But this doesn't mean I abandon the gods I have loved and served for 3 decades of my life. It just means embracing new ones - because I am ready.
Are you really ready for the challenges of Aphrodite?

I'm just musing here, but I do feel you need to get clarity on these issues. I hope talking about it here will help.
I might just leave you with this article, Id love to hear your thoughts.



http://www.beliefnet.com/Wellness/20...-The-Soul.aspx

"Maybe we could appreciate the role of depression in the economy of the soul more if we could only take away the negative connotations of the word. What if depression were simply a state of being, neither good nor bad, something the soul does in its own good time and for its own good reasons? "
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Old 09-14-15   #22
petrus4
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Default Re: Reaching out to Aphrodite

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Originally Posted by feranaja View Post
As a sidenote, you are aware that magically speaking, one's attitude toward aging is incredibly powerful?
Yes, I am. This conversation in itself has been extremely productive for me, though. I've sat with it for close to a day now, and planning out and experimenting with various responses in my head is allowing me to work out various issues. I thank you for that.

I am also realising that my attitude towards sex in particular, has actually been fairly stupid. Sex can have disastrous secondary effects, (disease, babies, false rape charges etc) but the more that I think about it, the more I realise that almost all of those are actually products of the dystopian society in which we currently live. The sexual act itself is harmless.

The other thing that I realised on waking this morning, is that sex does not unavoidably need to be anything inherently unhygienic or disgusting, either. My ex-girlfriend was obsessive about cleanliness, and with rare exceptions, missionary was the only position we knew about.

I think a lot more of my internal pain where sex is concerned, was actually due to my autistic diagnosis. There is a fairly strong belief in me that autistic people usually don't get to reproduce.

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There will be all kinds of viewpoints on this - people urging you to "get help" or quit smoking pot or whatever - I will simply say, from a magical point of view, do what thou wilt. If your soul needs this rest time, time to be YOU and not try to live up to anyone else's expectation (certainly not the gods, and I believe Aphrodite will see right through this as well) then do it.
Although I'm largely guessing, my Will right now seems to consist of relatively few activities:-

a} Using cannabis in a gradually more responsible and educated manner. There are still going to be plenty of times when I just want to get smashed to the point where mentally focusing on consensus reality becomes difficult; but I am learning some degree of restraint as well, gradually.

b} Acting as a makeshift, but sometimes effective healer. One of my most consistent prayers to Kali over the last decade has been for the opportunity to serve her in that regard. Given that the hostel where I'm staying, tends to attract a reasonably steady trickle of people who are down on their luck, I think she has heard me. I need to give myself a bit more credit in this regard, as well; I've had some good outcomes lately. We are gradually assembling the pieces for a regular communal evening meal, among other things, and the irony is that it doesn't really cost more than it does for me to eat by myself. Meat is much more expensive than vegetables, however.

c} Learning as much as I can about the magickal principles of manifestation, as described by the New Thought movement and various other sources. I've well and truly moved past the gateway phase of juvenile fantasy about gaining superpowers from Goetic demons. I'm also slowly transitioning past the usual suspects in New Age terms as well, even though I still really value some of them. Neville Goddard, Wallace Wattles, Gurdjieff, Manley P. Hall; these are all people who I am more interested in listening to now. Related topics that come up intermittently are lucid dreaming, astral projection, and the exploration of inner space more generally. Psychonautics seems like a worthwhile area of study.

d} Playing Minecraft. Although I continue to be plagued with technical issues which prevent me from using the same map for more than three days usually, I have a sufficient level of determination to keep playing the game, that something tells me that it is still significant to me. I don't know how, yet; but I think it still is.

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First - I think you have to decide what your own spiritual outlook dictates and go with that.
Actually, the main problem that I've been having, is chaining myself to the expectations of my parents, (who are no longer really around, for all practical intents and purposes; they are still alive, but we live interstate and I virtually never communicate with them) without realising that the reality I live in has fundamentally changed, since their expectations were set. Whether I would like to or not, I no longer live in the same world that I did when I was a child, or even a teenager.

I am in a scenario now where all bets are off, and no prior expectations or preconceptions really mean anything. The world has advanced in ways that I never could have predicted as a child. I will admit that I probably consider most of said changes to be negative, but fortunately there is also still very good, compassionate, positive work being done, here and there.

My real challenge is to stop being unhappy about the global, top level stuff; and by that I mostly mean the fact that we continue to have raving, geriatric fascist psychopaths inhabiting our most senior political offices in almost every Western country. Psychopathic politicians, and Millennials, and Neo-Atheism, and mobile phones, and the continual glorification of militaristic fascism in the media, are all going to continue to exist, unfortunately. I need to create my own small universe within the larger one, and to really believe Neville Goddard when he wrote that doing so genuinely is possible.

I want government with integrity, Fera. I want that very badly. I know, however, of absolutely no way to get it. The most I can do is study Mencius, whose thesis seems to have been that the only legitimate basis of government is the nurturance of its' subjects; and then practically apply that philosophy by feeding and healing the people I encounter at the place where I live. I would truthfully like to change things at a much higher level than where I currently am, but I think for there to be any hope of that, I have to work with where I am now, first.

Trying to "be the change," at least partly keeps the monkey of "you're not doing anything, and death is always getting closer," off my back, if nothing else. After Lord Yinepu's previous warning, my hope now is that when he does finally come for me, I won't be resistant to it, and I won't suffer excessively as a result. My greatest fear in life has always been the form of accountability that I will experience at death, although in hindsight, I honestly don't think it's a bad fear to have. It keeps you honest, if nothing else.

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If celibacy and chastity are ideals of yours, why not spend some time with Hestia? Or Asclepius?
I don't want celibacy. I just don't want sex to be either unnecessarily dirty or dangerous, but I'm also realising that it doesn't need to be. Those things come from making poor choices.

I am truthfully also worried about sex involving influence from, or interaction with Gods and other spirits who I don't necessarily want very much to do with. At the broadest level, this means beings which predate or feed upon sexual energy, but where the transfer only benefits them, to the detriment of their prey, and is not mutually reciprocal.

I don't have a terribly high sex drive, it's true. Astrologically I have the same Mars placement as Joan of Arc; it's one that I've often seen described as perfect for monastic existence. At the same time, however, if I'm truly honest, I also actually have the belief that sex is one of the most pleasurable and significant experiences that physical incarnation can offer, if not the most. So it's primarily a case of very much feeling that if I don't experience sex on and occasional basis, then I'm going to miss out on one of the most important (or at least enjoyable) elements of life on Earth.

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You've had an interest in healing, why court a sensual goddess when you are so ambivalent about sexuality?
Because of the potential risk to reward ratio, to put it in horribly clinical terms. My astrological natal chart clearly indicates that sexuality, relationships, and related issues are the single main source of blockage, denial, repression, and general unresolved problems for me. To me, that likely means that if these issues in their unresolved state are causing a given level of pain, then the level of joy and mastery that I could experience from their resolution, will be equally proportional.

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But - my second point - is that you can still offer to a deity, pray to them, learn from them without considering them a symbolic part of yourself, reducing them to archetypes and cosmic Dr. Phils for your own issues.
Astrology compels me to believe that a certain amount of this element, genuinely does exist. Aphrodite has independent or universal existence aside from representing my own issues, yes. She does, however, also have a place in my natal chart; which means that to a certain extent she unavoidably exists as an internal archetype for me as well. I used to dislike seeing materialists exclusively use the psychological interpretation for Gods, but now I'm truthfully seeing that there is room for it, when it is appropriate. I honestly think that both exist.

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I have come to the dark goddesses pure and simply as a natural part of my evolution - as I face my second Saturn return, I have much less tolerance for bullshit and much stronger boundaries about what I will allow into my life.
You and I are doing things in reverse. I have a Mars/Saturn opposition, an unusually large number of aspects to both Pluto and Saturn, and Saturn in a rather uncomfortable house and sign position. (Leo in the Fifth House)

So I have had to come to terms with Saturn. It's either been a case of choose to do it, or live a completely defeated, unsuccessful, and unfulfilling life. When you have Saturnine influence to the degree that I do, there are no two ways about it.

Hekate has a bad reputation; I know. The thing is, that she really doesn't deserve it. She demands confrontation, and she will be scary until you do confront her. Kali likewise demands to be looked at straight in the eye. Once you demonstrate to the Saturnine Goddesses that you are not excessively or inappropriately afraid of them, however, then they will give you more love than you know what to do with, and they will teach you, too.

At this point, even if only a few times, I can honestly say that I've done the stereotypical thing with Hekate. I've gone outside on a moonless night to give her the deipnon, and Kali some burnt wine, and had the proverbial multiple dogs howling in the distance, and momentarily allowed myself to be scared silly by it all. Yet her only response was to greatly help me to calm down, and then show me very precisely why I was terrified of her, and also to emphasise that not only was she not going to do what I was afraid of, but that at that point, she had already done the opposite of what I feared.

Hekate is the Wardress of Hell. One of her correspondences is a circle of keys, just like Yinepu. Those two Gods decide who gets imprisoned, and who gets let out, and Hekate showed me in no uncertain terms that as far as she was concerned, I deserve to be let out. Through Katherine, she assisted me in leaving my mother's house and getting to where I currently live. So I feel only reassurance and affection where she is concerned, and reverence; not fear so much.

It's also a very powerful character reference, now that I think of it. I don't want to become arrogant about it, but I think I can say that if you are someone who the Saturnine Gods in particular have decided that they like, then literally anyone else can say or do anything they want, and you really don't need to care.

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Are you really ready for the challenges of Aphrodite?
Does she really need to challenge me, though? I've had plenty of other spirits sit with me in a perfectly amicable and agreeable manner, while I get stoned.

At this point, my attitude is fairly simply that I would like some conscious and deliberate participation from her, while I perform some work which I was fairly certain was already in her own department anywayz, at least in some respects. After that, at some stage I would also like to offer her some communion, in the form of cunnilingus with whichever consenting latinas I can get my hands on, in particular. I am at least hoping that celibacy is not the only valid devotional context, where sex is concerned.

If she is interested in that, (and initial indications would tend to suggest that she perhaps is) then great. If she is not interested, then while that will be genuinely regrettable, I can probably live with it.

Truthfully, Fera, this is the pattern that I tend to follow. If I need to banish something, then I will tend to automatically feel Yinepu's presence behind me, because banishing is what he does, which means that if I do it while adhering to his own sense of justice, then I am actually helping him do his work.

This is what I would like with Aphrodite, if she is willing. If, in various ways, I'm already trying to spread the love around, she occasionally helps to expedite the process a little, then we are hopefully both serving each other's interests. I get the resolution I need, and she gets a scenario which is just a little closer to a softer and more loving world in general terms.

This is actually what caused the anger that I've expressed earlier. I have no real opposition to what I at least suspect are her most fundamental goals; it's more been the fact that in addition to the indicators in my natal chart, because of what bad luck I've had with women in the past, I started to assume that Aphrodite really did not like me at all. I think the main reason why the rage and misery have been there, has actually been because of the degree to which I want to help advance her cause; and for a long time, I felt as though I had been rejected by her.

That perception, thankfully, is passing.
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