Self healing whilst being sick

[Katharine]

Two days ago someone was showing off their new compound bow and passed it around so folks could try drawing it, at our Yule gathering.

I used to be good. Not great, but good. I had an 80 pound draw bow. This one was between 50 and 80, he wasn't sure. I couldn't draw it. I've lost an enormous amount of muscle tone.

[petrus4]

Originally Posted by EntwinedSoul

Am crying now...........it is so hard to go from vibrate, very strong woman to half crippled and kidney disease....had my left hip replaced and spondileosis L5 and S1 and arthritis in right hip...from working on tanks in the army...and running 10 miles x2 with full gear/rifle/backpack in shitty combat boots....It is so hard for me to believe I am physically disabled....not that there is anything wrong with that...do not get me wrong, it is just hard for me to accept that I can not do so many things with my 2 girls.

Entwined, while I'm not claiming to be in anything close to your condition, I do have a single kidney, and have never been particularly agile, or a fast runner, due to having a leg length difference of nearly three inches. Additionally, on every IQ test I've ever taken, the one area which has always been pointed to as my major weakness, is computational speed.

My point in mentioning this, is that in order to deal with my own issues, I've had to learn as much as I can about efficiency, simplicity, and leverage. Doing as much as I can, with as little effort as possible. I've also had to learn to tolerate the fact that I am slow, both mentally and physically, and will never be as fast as many people; but at the same time, if you know how to do it, it is actually possible to turn being slow from a weakness, into a strength.

The major value of taking our time with things, is that we are able to very carefully and specifically manage our energy, and learn to allocate consistent amounts of it, to every one of our actions. If we are limited in the actions that we can take, we also learn to prioritise which are important, and which are not. One of Kali's primary offices is time as a concept, and one of the things that she has taught me, is that often what I do, or the amount of energy I expend, is nowhere near as important as when I expend it.

Yes, there will be a lot of things you won't be able to do any more. When I was at the permaculture research institute two years ago, I was going to stay on and work there for a while after I got my certificate, but I ended up not doing so. Standing in one place and hacking bamboo with a machete for hours at a time, in near 40C heat, just isn't something I'm cut out for, and I had to accept that.

It doesn't mean we can't be useful; it simply means we have to learn different strategies for doing so. I would encourage you to improve your computer skills in particular; there is a lot you can do with a computer if you learn, including potentially earning a good income.

In a sense, this is a real, and very painful end. I don't want to detract from that, and I do want to offer you empathy. At the same time, however, I would encourage you to do what you can, to also view it as potentially being a new beginning.

[Katharine]

My post was supposed to be a lot longer than that... I guess that's what I get for doing it at whatever time that was.

The point is, I can sympathize with the frustration, the disappointment, and yes fear of realizing that your own body is betraying you and you can't do the things which once came easily.

I'm in the same place you are. It's getting worse, already crippling and potentially even life threatening; determined that there will be a solution, but uncertain what it is. I don't have any advise, because it's not something I've been through, it's something I haven't solved either. All I can say is that you're not alone, and if you want to talk I'm here to listen.

[Maikan]

I've had this work related lung disease for 20 yrs n managed it well for most of that as its incurable with minimal conventional medicine, just an inhaler n antihistamines. Everything else I've used was traditional NDN medicine. This worked great until I ended up a rare type of viral pneumonia a few years ago which never cleared my lungs totally n seemed to hide in the scar tissue and keep flaring up. Skip on a few years and sever bronchial pneumonia set in and floored me again this wouldn't clear led to Pleurisy an extremely painful condition of fluid in the lungs which has to be cleared or basically I drown.

The reality kicked in hard for me when they broke the news a couple of weeks back that I now only have one functioning lung left n that this has pleurisy is also damaged with scar tissue. I've always been physically fit despite my lung disease, I did my time in the Forces the worked all over the world with horses and in other very physical outside jobs. Suddenly I find I'm pretty much disabled and will most likely be registered as such all due to some damn virus.

I'm not saying what I'm faceing is anything like you are but I can understand where you are. I was also told I will likely have to give up 2 of my jobs, one with the horses and the other Blacksmithing both of which I love doing. But the reality is that I cant even walk the 500 meters to the stables at the moment without sever pain whilst the fluid on my lung dries out and i sure as hell can't catch my breath.

I hit rock bottom n it took a good friend to kick me in the ass n tell me to keep fighting. What he did n said was right. I'll put up with the side effects of these cancer meds to dry out this lung, ( I don't have cancer thankfully) n go through the rest of the tests to get a clear picture of what the hells going on inside me.

Then I'll take what I know n work with it traditionally again, it wont cure it but it can control it. Sure I may well have to take some conventional meds along side this but the main thing is I'm not quitting or allowing this to beat me.

Ive already looked into ways that I can still keep the horses around n enjoy them, its gonna mean some tough changes but if I do it right I'll be riding them yet again in the mountains. As for work well I asked a friend who's a silver smith if he thought he could teach me silver smithing. He's agreed to as its not a million miles away from being a blacksmith and if I can make a beautiful rose out of a steel bar he's sure I can do even better with silver. The main thing though is I can do this work in a cleaner environment.

I'm also a horse back archer I use traditional bows but got asked to join a team thats been set up here to go n compete internationally. I went out n borrowed a horse n passed my test to see if I was good enough. This all happened just as I got to be really sick. Now a few months on and my muscle tone has gone and I'm not able to do much if anything to improve it at the moment n the meds don't help this either.

But I do small exercies to keep the range of movement and Ive taken up T'ai chi in a small way to try n help improve things n my lung capacity as well as move energy and start to heal myself more. These r minimal steps n pathetic really but right now there what I can do and build from.

I will be riding the horses again and I'll compete in the Horseback archery events abroad, this I'm focusing on. If I don't focus on those things I may as well give up fighting now n believe me these meds sure make me feel like I should. But I wont give into this.

Normally I work for n heal others now I'm having to let them do this for me, its frustrating but hey I can't do much else. Right now I need my strength n focus to fight this, that alone has been a real hard lesson but the other alternative of hospital n being hitched up to a breathing machine 24 /7, not if I can help it. As my friend pointed out I have 2 beautiful young daughters and a herd of rare horses that need me, n he still needs someone to give him a voice of reason and make him pull his hair out. Those alone are enough to fight for, and he's right.

So hang in there as dark as it may seem, do what you can to help n heal yourself positively an allow others to heal you n work for you. Its tough I know but you can do it.

Maikan

[David_2010]

EntwinedSoul, I'm so sorry for what you're going through, and, I just hope that they do manage to find a suitable transplant for you, and you have all the strength you need to get through this