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Old 07-01-10   #21
joujoun
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Default Re: Forgiving someone

I forgive myself for not showing my real feelings to this girl.
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Old 07-01-10   #22
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Default Re: Forgiving someone

It's really hard to forgive when what the other person did to you is still causing you pain. How do you let go of the pain?

It's been 12 years since I kicked my ex to the curb, 8 years since he died. But I met with a woman last week and didn't realize that she was one of my exes students after we had split. Since I kept my married name she realized who I was and out of the blue showed me a small ceramic otter that reminded her very much of my ex (otter was his power animal and his magical name). Suddenly I was flooded with all those memories of the pain I felt when he basically abandoned me for his mistress. I finally kicked him out when he was spending more time with her than with me (they were running a business together).

I don't know how to forgive him when I'm still feeling that pain?
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Old 07-01-10   #23
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Default Re: Forgiving someone

Quote:
Originally Posted by Luna View Post
It's really hard to forgive when what the other person did to you is still causing you pain. How do you let go of the pain?

It's been 12 years since I kicked my ex to the curb, 8 years since he died. But I met with a woman last week and didn't realize that she was one of my exes students after we had split. Since I kept my married name she realized who I was and out of the blue showed me a small ceramic otter that reminded her very much of my ex (otter was his power animal and his magical name). Suddenly I was flooded with all those memories of the pain I felt when he basically abandoned me for his mistress. I finally kicked him out when he was spending more time with her than with me (they were running a business together).

I don't know how to forgive him when I'm still feeling that pain?
I usually focus on what holds pain for me with the intention to forgive what this person/situation didn't do for me...In your case it might be something like focusing on this person and then then saying: "I forgive you for not being only with me loving me as I loved you". Ask spirit or whatever you think works for you to help you release this pain and fill it with love.

Hope this helps.
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Old 07-01-10   #24
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Default Re: Forgiving someone

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Originally Posted by mr cheese View Post
by not forgiving..as has been mentioned
arguably you are holding on to that energy and pain
Sorry I'm with Kokabal'al on this one and yes most things are of minor impotance in this big scheme of life and can be forgiven but then there are things that can not be. That does not mean I'm holding on to the negative energy and pain, I move on because a person who causes such an offence that can not be forgiven becomes null and void in my life and of no importance, I leave the universe and the gods to deal with them.

This is only my opinon and I believe we all have to find out our own paths and ways of dealing with the problems of life. For me, from my heathen point of view, forgiving someone who has show no signs of repentence and has caused delibrate major hurt is a sign of weakness.
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Old 07-01-10   #25
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Default Re: Forgiving someone

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Originally Posted by joujoun View Post
I usually focus on what holds pain for me with the intention to forgive what this person/situation didn't do for me...In your case it might be something like focusing on this person and then then saying: "I forgive you for not being only with me loving me as I loved you". Ask spirit or whatever you think works for you to help you release this pain and fill it with love.

Hope this helps.
That sounds like a good place to start. Thanks for the suggestion. (((jj)))


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Sorry I'm with Kokabal'al on this one and yes most things are of minor impotance in this big scheme of life and can be forgiven but then there are things that can not be. That does not mean I'm holding on to the negative energy and pain, I move on because a person who causes such an offence that can not be forgiven becomes null and void in my life and of no importance, I leave the universe and the gods to deal with them.

This is only my opinon and I believe we all have to find out our own paths and ways of dealing with the problems of life. For me, from my heathen point of view, forgiving someone who has show no signs of repentence and has caused delibrate major hurt is a sign of weakness.
I thought I had moved on, that I had let go of the past, but it didn't take much to make me feel the pain all over again. I might have to start with forgiving myself for loving him enough to allow him to hurt me. I should have kicked him to the curb at least 3 years sooner. Probably need to forgive my parents for helping make me so co-dependent that I would stay with him when he was hurting me so badly, eh? Seems like a lot to do - forgiving everyone who had anything to do with that painful experience (including the mistress). I think starting with myself would be a good idea.

Like Oprah says, "I did the best then with what I knew then. I know better now and I can do better now."

I can see that my parents did the best with what they knew / had been taught. It's harder to say that my ex did the best with what he knew because he knew how much he was hurting me. I can forgive him for not loving me as muich as he loved her, but it's harder to forgive him for not being honest with me, and with himself.
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Old 07-01-10   #26
mr cheese
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Default Re: Forgiving someone

For you I shall wait above in the chariot of water,
on the moon, my resting place until the world is saved,
and always send down help to you.
Whoever strikes you, do not strike back`.
Whoever hates you, do not hate back.
Whoever envies you, do not envy again.
Whoever strikes you with anger, always return him with kindness,
and what you deplore in others do not yourself do.
No, you must endure insults and abuses
from those of higher station, from equals and those below,
because you who are devout and endure will not waver.
If someone throws flowers against an elephant,
these flowers cannot smash an elephant.
If raindrops fall on a stone,
these raindrops cannot melt the stone.
So insults and abuses can in no way make the devout
and of good endurance waver.


— Mani

“Where love is little, all acts are imperfect.”

–Mani

(and I'll hush up now lol)
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"He," I answered, "who loves to contemplate truth…who is able to arrive at whatever remains ever constant. He who is capable of seeing the Whole is a philosopher; he who is not, is not."

Plato (Republic, V, 475; VI, 481-485)

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Old 07-01-10   #27
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Default Re: Forgiving someone

I find it hard to forgive but thats form of defence for me. Once bitten twice shy. I don't harbour the feeling though, I carry on with life as normal. I normally just cut the wrong doer out of my life depending on the depth of relationship.

x
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Old 07-02-10   #28
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Default Re: Forgiving someone

Quote:
Originally Posted by mr cheese View Post
by not forgiving..as has been mentioned
arguably you are holding on to that energy and pain

again one should forgive, but need not forget....
By not forgetting we are not permitting that act to occur again
but, we are not holding on to the "nastyness" that occured due to the "transgression" done to us....When someone does us a wrong, it is their fault, their problem, their greed, their lust, their anger, their want....
It is upto us to be upset. It is also up to us to let go.

You forgive a puppy from peeing on a carpet, but you dont forget it.
You forgive a rapist, they are ill...no matter how much you'd like to castrate them......but you don't forget......

By not forgetting...arguably it will eat away at you....
If you seek to be bitter, thats your choice...
But like the Murphy's I'm not Bitter

That is what makes you blind, in Gandhi's quote....holding onto it
arguably

But thats just my opinion.....

and opinions are like monkeys, we all look sexy with one...
I neither hold onto to the pain (why would I? It would make as much sense as holding onto a very hot pan) nor am I bitter. I seek to not be emotional when dealing with transgressions. I prefer logic. As much as I would like to be emotional about stuff sometimes, I know that's when stuff goes tits-up, so I take a deep breath and focus on treating it like a problem solving exercise. Even if sometimes it feels like I'm dividing by zero.

I should add that, if a person can show that they understand they have done wrong to someone, and have remorse and want to try to make amends, then I can forgive them (assuming the remorse is genuine, alas it is hard to tell sometimes, some people are real good actors). If they have learned, then that should be commended. Forgiveness is a gift.

Also, I think forgiving ones self is the hardest thing sometimes. I certainly struggle with that.
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Old 07-02-10   #29
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Default Re: Forgiving someone

Sometimes, in a relationship, especially with your parents, forgiveness cannot happen until they make an effort to change the situation or at least take some accountability.
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Old 07-02-10   #30
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Default Re: Forgiving someone

Forgiveness is one of the tentaments I was raised on as a Christian youth but I have to say, it's something not easily done. Like I can't forgive certain people for the trauma they've given me in their life, I can't forgive a few guys in my life who sexually harrassed or assaulted me. And you never really forget but it's healthier to try to work it out some way and move on.
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